Just kidding, you’re going to hate them anyway! 😆
Really though, perimenopausal rage is a thing, and chances are that the person who is closest to you (and most often in your way!) is the most likely to feel the brunt of it. You might have interactions that you reflect on and think “why did I get so irrationally upset about that?” or your partner might say to you some version of “why are you so angry all the time?!”
Welcome to perimenopause. If you’re somewhere between 40 and 50, have noticed any of the following symptoms or just generally don’t recognize yourself lately, you may have entered into the last frontier of female hormones.
Here’s an incomplete list of possible symptoms:
Difficulty sleeping
Irritability (often irrational or disproportionate)
Anxiety
Depression
Irregular periods
Spotting between periods
Fatigue Joint pain
Weight gain
Brain fog
Dry skin
Hair thinning
Vaginal dryness
Loss of libido
Sounds fun, right? That’s actually not even the half of it but I didn’t want to overwhelm you. If you think you might be in this zone, talk to your doctor soon about ways to find some relief.
As far as not hating your partner in this phase of life, having some understanding about what’s happening is the first step. First, educate yourself about what is typical in perimenopause. There are many great books and podcasts available now, as it’s becoming less of a stigma to talk about women’s health. Then, help your partner become educated on the topic - notice I didn’t say it’s your job to educate them, but you could perhaps guide them in the right direction.
Next, be up front about what you’re experiencing. Keep in mind, it’s all “normal” and nothing to be ashamed of. Be willing to say “I’m feeling angry today, but I’m not sure exactly why. I don’t want to take it out on you, but I may need some understanding and space.” Leading with vulnerability will invite compassion, not defensiveness, from your partner.
This is a great time to be more diligent in your self-care, as regular exercise, good nutrition, and reduced alcohol intake all help with hormonal balance. But in addition to all that not so fun self-care, make space for the things that genuinely bring you joy too. Schedule time for a fun hobby, hanging out with friends, or indulging in a massage.
Next, try to remember that your feelings about your partner right now might not be indicative of how you’ll feel about them next year or even tomorrow. This is a chapter of your life and relationship, but not the whole story. While it’s a challenging time, it is temporary.
You will get through this, and you may even find a more empowered, confident version of yourself on the other side. If you’re looking for support as you navigate this big change, please reach out to me.